Keeping it real

Every now and then I catch myself saying something in class, and immediately feel a cringe run through my body. Not that I said anything inappropriate (though I have to guard myself against that from time to time) or mean-spirited (that's really not in my nature...often). No, sometimes I say something that just doesn't sound like ME. Sometimes it's something I pick up from another teacher, but more often it's when I am trying to sound deep, profound and yoga-like. As soon as it's out of my mouth I feel the eyes of the entire class on me, and they are rolling.

I'm probably the only person who is accutely aware of when this happens. But every time it does, I feel like I've let the class down. After all, they made time in their day to come to my class, and they deserve something better than some recycled, re-hashed, regurgitated philosphical BS. Some of these pearls are prefaced with the words, "It is said that..." or "I'm told...," but often I'm just spouting something that I thought sounded clever. That's really just another way of saying, "I have no firsthand knowledge of this, but I don't want to appear ignorant so I'm going to hide behind this mask for a minute and I hope you don't notice."

Now I'm not saying that every morsel that trips off my tongue needs to be an epiphany or even an original thought...after all, there is so much written on the subject of yoga by people far more experienced than I, so I don't have to try to reinvent the wheel each time I teach. But, as a teacher, the one unique thing I have to offer is my own personal experience with whatever it is that I'm teaching. If my students want to know what Seane Corn or Pema Chodron or Cyndi Lee have to say on a particular subject, there are plenty of resources available. I might reference their wisdom, but if all I have to offer is what someone else says, then I might as well pop in a DVD and let the students follow that.

I've come a long way in finding my "authentic voice" as a teacher, but there is still plenty of room for growth. If I'm lucky, I'll continue learning and growing and gaining more and more experiences to draw from to illustrate the points I'm trying to make in class. But I guess in putting this out there, I'm holding myself accountable. Or at least keeping myself aware.