Taming the Beast

About 20 years ago I was involved in a freak accident at the restaurant I was working at. A walk-in door slammed shut on my face, and I ended up with a hairline fracture in my jaw (quick note, having your jaw wired shut for 6 weeks is NOT a recommended weight loss strategy!). As a result of that accident, I've suffered from TMJ problems throughout my adult life. The main problem I have is that most tension in my body gravitates right to my jaw. With time, the ill-effects have lessened, but there was a time that the tension caused severe headaches, teeth-grinding and interrupted sleep. Tension in the jaw can also radiate out into the neck and shoulders, which can create their own health issues.

Tension in the body is generally the result of stress, either physical, mental or emotional. Un-checked, stress can lead to a variety of disorders such as heart disease and depression. Before I discovered yoga I used a lot of unhealthy means to try to deal with tension and stress in my life: alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, sex, spending...you name it, I probably tried it. The problem was, these methods only masked the symptoms, and in many cases started to cause other problems. I started to become unreliable at work; I was spending too much money and was always scrounging around to pay my rent and bills; I was isolating myself from family and friends. All of my coping tools stopped working. I had created a hamster-wheel of bad choices and un-resolved situations. It wasn’t until I was ready to look at and address the reality of my life that I was able to clean up some of the mess that I had made, thereby starting the process of releasing some of the pressure that had built up. With work, I started to be able to make choices that didn’t bring more chaos into my life. Stressful situations still arose, but instead of trying to hide from them or mask them, I learned to deal with them. It was this journey that led me to yoga, where I found a very healthy way to start to work off tension and begin to detoxify physically, so that I could start to detoxify emotionally and spiritually.

A life free from tension and stress isn't necessarily the goal of our yoga practice. As wonderful as that sounds, it's not terribly realistic. Everyone has stress of one kind or another in their lives. Denying the truth of this will cause our stress and tension to re-direct into other areas of our lives, or build up like a pressure cooker, waiting to burst forth in unhealthy ways. So, in our asana practice we deliberately put our bodies into very stressful situations, and then observe where we feel tension and restriction. We use our breath, our awareness and our attention to release the tension, thereby relieving the stress. We practice this physically so that we begin to become aware of the process, then we can start to apply it to our lives off the mat. Through this practice of self-observation we develop self-awareness, and then begin to identify those situations that trigger stress and tension, and begin to make choices based on those triggers.

Corn Thoughts

So, on Thursday evening I attended the Seane Corn vinyasa class at Cityoga. Sometimes an event or a person is hyped so much that the reality is a bit of a disappointment. I'm happy to report that this was not the case. It's clear why Seane is such a popular and in-demand instructor. Her passion for using her yoga practice as a means of service to mankind is infectious. The theme for this class was Living Like You Mean It, sort of a riff on my favorite Gandhi quote, "Be the change you want to see in the world." The entire practice was a spirit-charging call to arms to live life with authenticity and passion, and to let go of all of the stories and narratives that we tell ourselves which keep us from living our lives fully and free from darkness and suffering. Approach life from a standpoint of love and service, and make the embodiment of those principles our practice, starting with treating ourselves with compassion (a favorite theme of mine). Remembering always that we are human, and we'll fail, but that we can pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off and try again. That, like our yoga, our life is practice, not perfection.

The asana portion of the class was very intense. She gives very clear instruction, and works every part of your body and spirit. She's also very funny and down-to-earth. She masterfully weaves the theme of her class into the physical practice, something that I am slowly learning to do. She highlighted some poses (like chaturanga dandasana) by workshopping them and being very precise about which muscle engagements we were working with. The class was packed (which reminded me so much of NY classes), and the energy in the room was amazing. I was sweating heavily by 15 minutes into the practice, partly because of the heat generated by the students, partly due to the long holds that she employs. While none of the poses were too crazy or advanced, the sequencing and holds made for a very challenging, demanding practice. Toxins were pouring out of me, and at one point Seane suggested that I turn my mat over so that I didn't slip. Fortunately I had my YogiToes mat in my bag, so I took an opportunity to go get it. I had wanted to do the entire class, but had to take a couple of breaks, once to use the bathroom during Dhanurasana, and once during a twisting series due to the results of some poor dietary choices (I'll spare everyone the gross details).

As I posted earlier, there is a reason why many of these instructors are so popular and in-demand. Not only are they master practitioners, but they also let their practice inform all areas of their lives. Their insights come from years of practice and study. They embody the meaning of the word "yoga" in the way that they unite their practice and their lives, creating a very authentic, organic approach to each, because at some point there ceases to be a separation. Life and practice become one.

I look forward to taking more of Seane's classes in the future, and also look forward to taking classes from other teachers coming through town. Stay tuned for info about other in-coming teachers!

Down-Dog Dayz

The dog days of summer are upon us. Actually, according to our dogs, it's already too hot. On our walk this morning, our dog Zoey looked at me as if to say "You've GOT to be KIDDING!" So, I practiced some compassion for our fur-bearing friend and cut the walk short. When I next saw Zoey, she was in her favorite spot: under our bed with her back feet sticking out. She looks like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of OZ.

With summer comes a downturn in class attendance. This happens pretty much across the board. People go on vacation, they want to spend more time outside, they want to go to the pool, etc. This happens every year, yet every year I have a moment of panic. Maybe I suck as a teacher? Maybe people only come to my class when there's nothing better to do? Maybe this whole yoga-teaching experiment was a HUGE mistake? Then a student comes up to me and tells me how much they enjoy my class. A studio contacts me about teaching a workshop in the fall. All of a sudden life is wonderful and maybe it's just summer after all.

Ego, ego, ego...blah, blah, blah.

When I was first starting to learn pranayama, I had a tough time with any practice where we had to retain the exhale. The first time I tried it, I made it 2 seconds before the panic set in...isn't the teacher ever going to let us inhale? I feel like I'm drowning, how long can this possibly go on why won't she tell us to breathe can't she see my face turning red and blue and then finally the instruction to inhale comes and I gasp in a big gulp of air and start panting much like Zoey this morning on our walk. We try it again, and again, and yet again and after a while I became more comfortable with the practice. I still couldn't retain the exhale for long, but I was able to control my inhale. I became aware of when I started to feel panic, and was able to either relax, or allow myself to take a slow, controlled inhale.

I sometimes get this same panic feeling when I take a class with an instructor who I'm not familiar with, or when I'm asked to hold a pose longer than I'm comfortable with or asked to do "just one more" repetition of a vinyasa sequence. Through the practice of pranayama and breath retention, though, I have become very aware of when I start to hold onto my breath as if it's my last, when I have a tendency to want to throw up my hands in frustration, or when I genuinely need to release. I've learned that surrender isn't failure, but rather putting my trust in something far greater than myself. Most importantly, I've learned that there are very few things that I can't do for just one more breath.

Hopefully next summer I'll remember that class attendance drops off, and recognize that it's not a comment on me personally. Hopefully I'll be able to meet this with grace and equanimity, and remember to breathe. Hopefully I'll be able to offer myself the same compassion that I offered to Zoey.

Have a great rest of the summer!

Continuing Ed

I'm very excited...on Thursday I'm finally getting the opportunity to study with a teacher who I've wanted to study with for a while, Seane Corn. The last few times she's been in Indy, either I've been busy or out of town.

The yoga community here in the Heartland is still in it's growing stages, so there are many fewer opportunities to study with world-class vinyasa teachers like Seane right here in our own back yard. When the opportunities like this arise, it's important that we, as a community, support them so that Indy will start to become a desired destination for these high-caliber teachers. Last year, when Doug Swenson came to town to do a weekend teacher training, there were only a handful of instructors who took advantage of the opportunity. Doug has been practicing and teaching all over the world since the 1970's...he has a deep understanding and unique perspective on our practice. Sadly, because of the small turnout, it will be more difficult to convince him to return in the future.

The Anusara Yoga community seems to have built up a network to support their master teachers, helping promote their workshops and spreading the word about their teachings. Since all change starts at home, I'm going to commit to spreading the word in the local ashtanga/vinyasa community about visiting teachers who would be of interest, and make every effort to support their local teachings. We, as yoga practitioners, will benefit from the experience and knowledge of these remarkable teachers. As a community coming together for these teachings, sharing our practices and our individual insights, can only make us stronger and more connected.

Check back later for my thoughts on Seane's class!

My First Blog

So this is my first attempt at blogging. We'll see how it goes. To start things off (and this may be cheating a bit), I thought I'd share with you an article that I posted on my monthly e-newsletter.

Last year I was teaching yoga to a group of teenagers. At first I was focusing on all the things that I would with a group of adults: breath awareness alignment, concentration, etc. We worked on some basic Sun Salutations, several standing poses, some easy heart-openers and forward folds. After a while, I sensed that the teens were losing interest in working on many of the same things, so one day I worked with them on Bakasana (Crow Pose). Some flew, some fell, but overall everyone really enjoyed the challenge; one thing about teenagers, they're FEARLESS! Next week, I decided to work on Adho Mukha Vrksasana (Handstand). Some of the kids practiced gymnastics, or were cheerleaders, so they were thrilled to be able to show off their abilities, and were also amazed that standing on their hands was doing yoga. The next week they rushed in, full of energy, doing cartwheels, handstands and a variety of other contortions, all the while asking "Is this yoga? Is THIS yoga? What about this?" After a few moments I got them to calm down enough to sit and focus. I explained that while many of the exercises that they were doing were indeed yoga poses,
the practice of yoga was more than just the crazy, twisty, bendy things that we do. I said it's sort of like when you're playing music, or dancing or even talking with your friends and everything becomes effortless and you lose track of time and you feel totally energized, like you're "in the zone." We practice working with our breath, our bodies and our concentration in a kind compassionate way so that we can maybe find "the zone" for ourselves.

The style of hatha yoga that I practice and teach, and that speaks to me the most, is vinyasa yoga. What appealed to me initially was the physical part of the practice. It was both challenging and fun, and, like the teenagers, I marvelled at some of the crazy things I could do. I was fortunate, though, to have teachers who framed their classes with personal anecdotes about how they were using their yoga practice (the other seven limbs)in their lives. At first I thought this was a massive waste of time. I mean, let's just get moving already! Slowly I started seeing some relevance between the stories and what we were doing in class. I started noticing when I was approaching the postures with aggression and when I was not being honest about my ability. I learned that sometimes I had to back away from certain poses in order to find more release. Then I started noticing how I had those same tendencies in my relationships with others and with myself. Like the proverbial onion, I started peeling away layers. I discovered how I was able to sometimes coordinate my breath, my body and my mind to achieve a state of meditation in the midst of the vinyasa flow.

Our yoga practice is like a chocolate chip cookie recipe (OK, if I think really hard, I can relate almost anything to chocolate chip cookies). If you eat just one part of it, say the chocolate chips, it may be tasty, but it's not a chocolate chip cookie. In order to make the cookies, you need the chocolate chips, the flour, the butter, the sugar, and even a pinch of salt. If you take the asana (postures) out of the yoga practice, you may get a good workout, but you're missing the elements that make it yoga. When we allow attention to our breath to guide our practice, when we concentrate and allow our mind to quiet, when we become intimately attuned to our senses and our bodies, and finally when we allow all of these ingredients to bake in the oven of devotion and compassion, then we have something delicious.