We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
~ Anais Nin ~
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Is the reflection a strong, confident person, or someone who needs to lose 10 pounds? Is the face looking back at you a husband or wife, father or mother, boss or employee, son or daugther, student or drop-out? Does the person looking back at you change during the day? Is it a different face in the morning than it is in the evening?
In truth, all you see when you look in the mirror is the interplay between light and a reflective surface. All of the other identities, attachments and aversions are those that we create from our own experience and judgement.
We have other mirrors around us all the time. They are our friends, relatives, co-workers; even the person who serves us our coffee. Each of them acts as a reflective medium of our behavior and attitude, bouncing back to us our own behavior based on their experience of us. When we are feeling upbeat and friendly most people react in kind. When we are grouchy and abrupt, people may treat us coolly or even avoid us altogether. If, however, we are generally happy and sociable, and one day we are grouchy and sullen, those who know us may react with concern. Suspecting something is wrong, they may behave more compassionately or even cautiously towards us. If we are generally quiet and reserved, and suddenly begin to make jokes and "let our hair down," people may be surprised at first; perhaps even shocked. Some may become suspicious, others may begin to gravitate toward us, still others may try to encourage us to continue in this new behavior.
We also react to what other people say and do through the filter of our own experience and attitude at the particular moment. Someone says "have a nice day," and depending on our circumstances, we might react in a variety of ways. If we've just been met with some bad news, we might lash out. If we are in a rush, we might dismiss the sentiment. If we are feeling upbeat, we might respond with a smile and a "Same to you!" Each of these reactions will then be reflected back by the recipient based on their experience at the time, and their knowledge of us. So each of our interchanges becomes a series of reflections back and forth, much like a funhouse maze.
Of course, just like in a funhouse, sometimes our image gets distorted when it is reflected back. Often this happens in the context of a relationship, be it spouses, relatives, friends, co-workers, simply becuase there already exists a set of expectations and behaviors. We say or do something, and depending on the recipient's state of mind they might misinterpret our words or deeds. The distortions caused by their present cirumstances bend our meaning like the waves in a carnival mirror, and what is reflected back is out of proportion to reality. They react in a way that we weren't expecting, we get confused and react back based on that confusion. All of a sudden we are embroiled in something completely different than we had intended.
This is what Patanjali refers to when he speaks of the "citta vritti," or "fluctuations of the mind." Through our practice of awareness, observation and attention, we are able to recognize when we are reacting out of our circumstances rather than the reality of the situation. Once we are able to clean and smooth out the surface of our mind, we become able to interrupt these patterns before they take hold, allowing us to see and react with clarity and equanimity. When we become sensitive and receptive to how others react towards us, reflecting our behavior, we develop the ability to understand how our actions are seen, and we gain greater insight into our own agendas and attitudes. Ahimsa (non-harming) and Satya (truthfulness) become the light that uncovers patterns of behavior, and we begin to take responsibility for our actions and attitudes.
When I teach Partner Yoga, the one thing that I always find interesting is witnessing how the partners relate to each other. It's easy to see what the relationship is like simply through the way the participants work with each other. Do they work as a team, or is one person the leader? Does one person get frustrated with the other because they are not as strong/flexible/ supportive? Do the partners take time to really relate to each other, to sense each other's breath and presence, or do they plow headlong attached to their own agenda? One woman asked me during a private Partner session if this was couples therapy. I smiled and said, "No, this is just yoga. But if you remain open, who knows what you might discover."
